Illusions of Normalcy
by xXyukinashiroganeXx
Summary: For Uchiha Sasuke's Birthday and SasuSaku Month 2013 Day 23: Detours. "But she knew deep down that, despite all those alluring assurances of normalcy, all detours end in the same inevitable conclusion. And she now watches her teammate slowly, slowly walk towards the one direction she does not want him to take. Because in order to gain something, one must also throw something away."


**SasuSaku Month Day 23: Detours**

**Note:** This is a rant fiction _heavily_ based on chapter 181, and all the chapters that came before, of the Naruto manga, and on Uchiha Sasuke's profile found in the Naruto Databook 2 (also written by Kishimoto).

* * *

**Illusions of** **Normalcy**  
_SSM 23: Detours_

. . .

'_Sasuke-kun, thank you. For that time you saved me from the grip of the sand.'_

'_No. It was _Naruto_ who saved you. He fought with all his strength to save you, unleashing a power we've never seen before.'_

'_To abduct _Naruto_. Those were the orders given to us by the higher echelons of our organization Akatsuki.'_

'_I have absolutely no interest in _you_ right now.'_

'_You are _weak_. Why are you so weak?'_

'_Still not enough…_hatred_.'_

He grits his teeth and grips the covers of his hospital bed hard.

'_What have I been doing all this time?'_

He remembers the incredible power displayed by his blond teammate and remembers the gap between himself and Uchiha Itachi.

"Sasuke-kun, want some apples?"

His eyes become as sharp as death and he strikes the plate of properly sliced food off his teammate's hands, scattering the pieces all over the floor.

"…Sasuke-kun?" she asks, stunned.

But he does not look at her.

. . .

She stares at him, trembling as she stands worrying at his sudden behavior. He ignores her and only turns his head when their third teammate enters his hospital quarters.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" the blond asks, feeling the deep intensity brought about by the Uchiha's dark glare

"Fight me. Now!"

And her eyes widen, not knowing what is happening.

Naruto looks at him, confused. "Huh?! What are you babbling about? You're still recovering—"

"SHUT UP AND FIGHT ME!" he cuts off, Sharingan activated.

She panics as Naruto smirks and concedes, and all she can do is attempt to make them stop the irrational thing they are going to do.

But again, he does not look at her.

Neither of them do.

. . .

All she can do is watch and listen.

Every taunt stings.

Every punch hurts.

Every kick is painful.

Every scream deafens her.

What is happening?

"Stop. You two, stop!"

Why are they doing this? They are teammates. They are comrades. They are _friends_. They have been through thick and thin, felt the same joy, shared the same pain. They have always argued, but more than that, they have always, deep within themselves, looked out for each other like brothers do.

Why are they now fighting each other with the intention to _kill_?

Her heart breaks as she watches them release lethal-looking jutsus from their very hands and aim at each other, and she desperately begs.

"STOP! BOTH OF YOU, _STAND DOWN!_"

Team 7 is blind.

He does not see her.

They do not see her.

And she does not see them as she runs and throws herself blindly into the middle of their rage.

. . .

Her tears do not stop falling.

"Kakashi-sensei…" she sobs. Whether in gratitude for saving her, or as a plea for him to set things right, she does not know.

"It's alright!" he assures. "Soon, things will go back to the way they used to be!"

She calms down and convinces herself that everything _will_ go back to being as natural as the way her teacher is smiling at her.

He jumps off upon seeing her tears stop falling.

'_Thank you, Kakashi-sensei.'_ She smiles painfully.

She trusts him. She really does.

"Sakura-chan."

She looks up to see her blond teammate, eyes downcast and expression brooding—an unusual occurrence—and she is once again reminded that everything just won't go back to the _usual_ anymore, contrary to what her sensei has told her.

His voice is very much unlike its usual loud volume as he says his words out.

"Don't stop us."

And she wants to understand their reasons for having to do such things to each other, but time and time again, she is reminded of the events of the Chuunin Exam.

The cursed seal.

The extreme suffering Sasuke went through.

The dark energy that emanated from him and the way his eyes glinted bloodlust at the power at his disposal.

How he was completely not himself.

Orochimaru's eyes and horrible words.

'_Sasuke-kun will seek me. To seek power.'_

And she is once again haunted just as she always has been since that day. Naruto does not understand, but he has to. He has no idea what happened, but he needs to know because he is still their comrade, and she decides to disobey Sasuke's orders not to speak of it to him.

"Naruto, I need to tell you something. I'll go on a date with you, so come with me."

. . .

"Sasuke…quit seeking revenge."

His eyes continue to look darkly at the copy ninja and he will have already jumped at him if not for the metallic strings tying him to the tree.

He is forced to remain silent instead as his teacher speaks.

"In the end, those who tasted revenge were not satisfied and ended in tragedy."

His body trembles and he, standing on the verge of insanity, restrains himself.

"You'll only hurt and suffer more. Even if you are successful in your revenge, all you'll be left with is emptiness."

He snaps.

"What the _hell_ do you know?! Don't talk to me like you understand!" he screams.

His face contorts into a grimace of pure evil.

"What if I were to kill the one you love most?! How far would you stray from what you just said? I can make you feel true pain!"

Because he _knows_ pain. And he grins confidently at his idiot teacher who _doesn't_.

The copy ninja remains calm in response.

" That would work, however, unfortunately, for me, no such person exists."

Kakashi smiles bitterly, and the Uchiha's vision darkens at his next words.

"_Those people have already been killed. _I've also lived in a long, hard era. I understand how terrible true pain and loss are."

He shuts his mouth as his teacher continues.

"We aren't the lucky ones, that's for sure, but we aren't the worst off, because both you and I have found _precious companions_."

He calms down as the smiling faces of his two teammates flash in his head.

Naruto.

Sakura.

"You should know from your loss…" Kakashi continues. "That Chidori is a power given to you _because_ you found things important to you. That power is not something used against your friends or for revenge. Think hard on whether you can or cannot hold true to what I've said."

He looks down and ponders.

Bonds.

Comrades.

Power.

Hatred.

Kakashi releases him and leaves, and he stays where he is, thinking about all the crossroads, until the moon overtakes the sky.

Naruto.

Sakura.

_Itachi._

And the murderer's name is enough to make him shut his eyes forcefully and once again grit his teeth in frustration.

'_Dammit!'_

. . .

She stares out the window of her room, taking in the eerie, uncharacteristic silence plaguing Konohagakure, and thinks back to her conversation with Naruto.

'_Orochimaru. I met him while I was away. He's really powerful, and also very dangerous.'_

Sakura looked down dejectedly at his words, and Naruto noticed.

'_Don't worry! Sasuke won't give in to someone like that! He's strong enough as he is!'_ he declared confidently. _'I promise!'_

His grin was like the sunlight that it always is. So natural. So _normal_. So assuring. And from her window, she finds herself smiling.

Naruto never breaks his promises. He never, _ever_ goes back on his word. She has seen his resolve, and she knows how he holds on to his nindou.

She wants to believe him. She _tries_ to believe him.

'_Thank you, Naruto.'_

. . .

He stands and stares at a lone picture frame in the darkness of his room.

'_I once lost everything. I don't want to see my special companions die again in front of my eyes,' _he once said.

His heart clenches in anguish. His eyes do not leave the picture of him and those he holds dear. He remembers the carefree days spent at the leaf.

'_We aren't the lucky ones, but we aren't the worst off, because you and I have found _precious companions._'_

It is not as though he does not understand his teacher's words, and that is why deciding is more painful for him. That is why everything has fallen heavily on his ears.

He knows Kakashi thinks of him as would a parent.

Naruto as would a brother.

And Sakura…

'_Hah, why would Orochimaru-sama want some weak-ass like him?'_

'_If you _stay_ in this shitty village here, you'll always be weak like everyone else. You'll never become powerful.'_

'_Playing family games with your _comrades_ will only make you _rot_.'_

His head is filled with conflict.

'_In order to gain something, you must throw something away.'_

'_What is your goal? Is it to stay in this joyful village and lick each other's wounds and then forget everything about _Uchiha Itachi_?'_

His eyes burn with hatred.

'_Do not forget your goal. This village will only become nothing but _shackles_ to you.'_

'_It would be best to rid of these worthless _ties_. If so, you can gain even greater, splendid power.'_

A single leaf landed in his palm as the four sound ninjas disappeared into the night and, with thoughts filled with the person he used to call _brother_, with thoughts filled with his _goal_, clenched his hand and deliberately crushed the object resting in it, acknowledging the true purpose of his existence over his own comfortable desires of a life away from solitude.

He has made a decision.

His moonlit room is left with the picture, once special to him, lying flat on his desk as he silently, but surely, chooses to throw away all his precious ties and walk the lonely path of the avenger he was kept alive to be.

. . .

In the darkness, she is the one to appear before him as he tries to leave his village, his comrades, _everything_, without looking behind him.

His ties are cut.

His goal is clear.

He is an avenger. He is destined to be alone from the moment his family was wiped out.

She looks at him and her eyes dampen in realization at the sight of a backpack slung to his torso, at the confirmation of all of her haunting worries.

Why is this happening?

'_Why are you so stubborn? I don't want to see you suffering anymore. To me, you are—'_

'_This has nothing to do with you. Stay out of my business.'_

All she was able to do was watch.

'_Sasuke-kun.'_

Kakashi-sensei has told her that soon things will be going back to the way they used to be.

Naruto has assured her that Sasuke-kun will not give in.

They both have told her that it is alright and that she should not worry. They smiled _normal_ smiles at her.

She has convinced herself that they were right and that she should just trust them. She even smiled at herself.

But she knew deep down that, despite all those alluring assurances given to her by people she trusts, all detours end in the same, inevitable conclusion. And she now watches her teammate slowly, slowly, walk towards the one direction she does not want him to take.

"Why are you prowling around here in the middle of the night?" he asks, his voice cold.

"I knew you'd come this way…if you were to _leave_," she replies. "So I waited here."

"Get out of here. And go back to sleep."

But she hasn't slept at all. How can she?

So cold.

So painful.

He walks on and both of them feel tension as he passes her.

He still does not look back.

She trembles and bites her lip hard, listening as his steps hit the stone pathway. The night is quiet, and every step shatters her heart to pieces.

_Tap._

_Tap._

_Tap._

And her tears fall down.

"Why won't you say anything to me?" She turns around and faces his unshaking back. How many times has she cried that day? How much more pain will she have to endure? "Why do you always keep so quiet? You never say a single word to me."

"I told you. I don't need your help. Don't try to look after me."

He has stopped walking, but he still hasn't looked at her.

And then her heart breaks again as a wave of memories with him floods her mind.

"No matter what, you just always hate me, don't you?"

_Even from the very beginning._

He doesn't. She is precious to him. He cares about her. The one that filled his lonely existence was Sakura. But he cannot let her in any more than he already has.

It has been decided. He will _not_ look back.

"You remember, don't you?" she continues. "When we became genins, the day our three-man team was first decided, the first time we were here by ourselves, you were so mad at me."

'_This solitude. You can't even compare it to when your parents get mad at you.'_

His words have never left her since that day.

'_You're…annoying.'_

His scowl was cold, and she used to not know what she had done to make him look at her like that. Now, she does.

Silence falls over them. Her eyes travel to the ground in wait for his answer.

The same flashback washes over him and he tries to push the memory away. He is _leaving_ the village. He is no longer allowed to relive moments.

"I don't remember that," he answers, deliberately removing all signs of hesitation in his voice.

It is a blade through Sakura's heart. Her eyes widen and she tries to agree with him, willing herself to not make anything of his sharp reply.

"Hahah…" she all but laughs. "Yeah, I guess you're right. That's all in the past, huh."

She does not see him bite his lower lip.

'_That's right,' _he reminds himself. _'That's all in the past. Do not hesitate, Uchiha.'_

"That's when it all began, though. You and me," Sakura continues her futile attempt at making him relive the memories they have made right in the village he is walking away from. "Along with Naruto and Kakashi-sensei."

"…"

Do _not _remember.

Do not turn around.

Do not look back at that village.

"We did all sorts of missions, just the four of us. It was painful and difficult at times. Even with that, though…_I still enjoyed it."_

Do not relive the joy.

Do not look back at them.

Do not look back at _her_.

He does not move. Why does he not move? Has it all been nothing to him? No, she knows in her heart that it has all been _something_ to him, and so she does not give up.

"I know all about your past, Sasuke. Even if you get revenge though, it won't bring anyone happiness. Not even you, Sasuke…nor_ me._"

Why is she making things more difficult for him? He has already decided, yet why does she _still_ continue to make it harder?

"I already know." He finally opens his mouth and speaks to her, and also to himself. "I'm different from you all. I can't be following the same path as you guys."

No matter how much he wants to. No matter how much fun he has when the four of them spend time together. No matter how comfortable he has lived away from the solitude he has already gone through.

Because he is not like them; he is an avenger. It is his purpose. And being an avenger means a life of solitude, of seeking only power and revenge.

"Up until now, we've done everything as a group, but there is something else I must do. Deep inside my heart, I've already decided on revenge. For that reason only, I live."

And in order to gain something, in order to gain power and vengeance, in order to fulfill his purpose, he must throw something away.

"I'll never be like you, or Naruto."

More tears continue to fall from Sakura's misty, jade orbs. She knows exactly what he is doing—he is decidedly walking down the path of the solitude he taught her was filled with pain and suffering. He has found precious people, yet he is choosing to leave them for something he himself knows will only bring more sadness.

She again remembers Orochimaru's words and the way Sasuke's body shook in pain at the power given to him over and over and over again.

'_Sasuke-kun will seek me. To seek power.'_

She does not want him to suffer pain for power anymore. She does not want to see him succumb to that evil, twisted man power made him to be anymore. She does not want to see his bloodlust-filled eyes anymore.

She does not want him to trade the friends he has gained and the love he has finally found from her and their teammates for another life of loneliness and suffering.

Because his pain is her pain.

He is _everything _to her, just like his family was everything to _him_.

"Do you really want to go back to being alone?" she demands. "You told me how painful it was to be alone! Right now, I know your pain!"

She really does. She is no longer the clueless girl she used to be the first time they stood on that spot.

"I may have friends and family, but…"

Her voice trembles and softens gradually as she shuts her eyes and tries her hardest not to break down from the heavy, heavy heartache.

"...but if _you _were to leave…"

The Uchiha's eyes try not to swerve from the direction ahead.

"To me…" she utters. "To me…I would be just as alone as you."

And then they change from an expression of determination back to that of hesitance as the faces of his smiling teammates again invade his mind.

And he takes in her words. He knows how much she means them. He knows of the pain he will be making her feel if he leaves because he has already felt that pain. He knows—she has _always_ made him know—who he really is to her.

_But he has already thrown the comfortable future away, _he again reminds himself.

"From here on out," he intones. "We all begin new paths."

"_I…I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!"_

He again stops in his tracks.

In a fit of desperation, Sakura finally lets everything else in her heart out in the open, out to him.

"If you were to stay with me, there would be no regrets…" she assures. "Because every day, we'd do something fun! We'd be happy, _I SWEAR!_"

This is no longer about their team. This is now about him and her. This is about her feelings, her desire to be with him. This is about how she loves him and how she doesn't want him to suffer any more sadness when she is here, willing to give _everything_ for him.

"I would do anything for you!" she screams. "So please, just stay with me."

Sasuke remains frozen. He has heard her say everything and with so much conviction that lets even him feel just how much she wants to be with him. Her words make him want to stay so, _so_ bad and make him again think of the tempting, carefree future with them he has already decided to throw away.

No.

He has a goal.

He has but one destination.

"I'll even help you with your revenge," she continues, willing to also leave everything behind just to be with him. "I don't know what I could do, but I'll do my best to do _something_. So please…" her voice trembles again and decreases to a volume almost inaudible even for him. "…stay with me. Or take me with you if you can't stay here."

She sobs incessantly. It all the more reminds him that _he_ is making her cry, and he knows that if he were to continue down his current path, then he will only be bringing more tears out of her eyes.

It is already difficult enough as it is. But the more she voices out her feelings, the more it stings.

And so he decides to take a detour, and finally turns around.

Finally looks behind him at everything he has decided not to look back at.

Finally, _finally_ looks at _her_.

"You really are…annoying."

Yet his voice holds anything _but_ irritation, and what used to be a scowl on his face has been replaced by a gentle smirk of appreciation for her persistence, of recognition for causing him to hesitate, of gratitude for her love. A two-fold love he both understands towards his family, and _is beginning to_ understand towards _her_.

Sakura's eyes widen as he turns away from her once again and begins to take another heart-piercing step towards his destination.

She has already let everything out, and she knows she has nothing else in her to make him stay. In a last fit of futile desperation, she cries, "Don't leave!" and runs a few steps towards him. "If you do, I'll scream and—"

In a flash, he is a few inches behind her, and she freezes.

"Sakura."

He reminds himself _again_, that he cannot. Let. Her. In. That everything she has said is no longer supposed to affect him, that his ties. Are. Cut.

And they both stand there, unmoving, as the long seconds tick by and the midnight breeze gently sweeps past and her crystal tears continue to fall down.

He bites his lower lip and allows himself to continue walking on this detour. Just a little bit more, for just one more time.

Sakura, who needed him to the very last.

His words are real as he lets them escape his lips and drift into the night.

"Thank you."

_For your friendship._

_For who you are to me and who I am to you._

_For needing me._

_For acknowledging my existence._

_For all the fun._

_For being there._

_For your love._

_For _everything_._

_I don't hate you at all, because you are important to me._

His sincerity is enough to bring her peace in the midst of pain, in the midst of the inevitable truth that nothing she does or says will make him stay. Her eyes widen momentarily at the sudden impact she feels from behind, and she closes them, finally understanding that this is something she alone cannot stop.

'_Sasu…ke…kun.'_

And she sleeps.

He allows himself to drop the mask of indifference he has been holding and catches her frail body in his arms as it falls to his chest. He lifts it up gently and sets it down on a nearby bench.

His gaze is tender as he stares at it as if he has all the time in the world to take her in. He watches the tears continue to stream down her face despite her already being knocked out, before picking up his dropped mask and walking off.

' _Sakura, thank you.'_

* * *

**Notes:** Poorly written, yes. But it _is_ a rant fic and words just aren't enough to properly state my **SasuSaku** and general Naruto feels (since I'm currently re-reading the manga and UGH. Feels). I only wrote this as an outlet, because really, I had so, _so_ many insights. And SASUKE _DOES_ CARE FOR SAKURA DAMMIT. He might not love her romantically right now (Don't get me wrong. I am a hardcore SASUSAKU FAN, but let's face it. There isn't enough evidence for a romantic love from Sasuke's side, is there?), but he _does_ care for her. Kishimoto heavily implies that, and those who conclude that he doesn't with _no_ basis ought to look deeper.

Yes, I am _still_ ranting. And Now I will rant further.

I slammed upon chapter 181 right on the eve of Sasuke's birthday, and it _hurt_. I was unable to contain all the feels that had piled up, so I decided to _write_. And I _rarely_ even _want _to write fanfiction, but re-reading chapter 181 **_on Sasuke's birthday_** just made me...UGH. And I noticed that it fit the prompt: Detours. So here it is. It's a bit late, but I've finally posted it. And no, I will not be further participating for the rest of the prompts because I really don't like writing fanfiction much. This is an exception because of all the feels and because it's Sasuke's day and it just so happens that the prompt fit my feels.

**Happy birthday, dearest, most delicate, _Uchiha Sasuke_.**

**Disclaimer:** As I have said, heavily _manga _and _databook_-based. All credit goes to **Masashi Kishimoto-sensei**, genius author and illustrator of the Naruto manga, awesome creator of the Naruto universe and its inhabitants, and writer of the Naruto databooks, and to **Inane Scanlations**, the group from whose translation I based most of the dialogue in this fic.

(I also watched episodes 107, 108, and 109 of the anime but decided to base more on the manga for more accuracy.)

Yeah, so sorry for this long, pointless note.

(Anyway, as my professor would usually ask us)  
**Comments, suggestions, violent reactions?**

Because reviews are gold. I will virtually hug you if you take time to drop one by, be it a criticism or a compliment. :)


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